College: Take One
In a humorously bizarre film that features the
stylings of the great costume designer Edith Head, Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid blends classic film noir clips with
twentieth-century Steve Martin antics.
The story line, while sometimes challenging to follow in order to tie
together the old and new, climaxes with the destruction of key US cities, and
the first to fall is Terre Haute, Indiana.
Poor Terre Haute, the protagonist muses, and they were just about to get
a public library. So what does Terre
Haute have? A prison, a couple post-secondary
schools, yucky tap water, and a funky smell – at least it did a couple decades
ago when I first went to college.
Admittedly, I began my college career on
three simple premises: my college did not require math to graduate, my college
offered me a little scholarship, and my college hosted Florida-based
corporations offering internships and a ticket out of the Midwest. I have select memories about my year and a
half along the western edge of the Hoosier State, most of them dull and
lifeless. I remember the names of no one
with whom I went to school, I remember skipping class if it was snowing too
hard, and I remember living in a ground-floor dorm next to the railroad
track. I remember hating it (see “Conan
the Hoosier” from February 2012).
Into The Darkness
In the heart of the city, just a few blocks from
the campus, stood the Indiana Theater – a 1922 throwback to the classic movie
houses where the silent films illuminated the cinema bringing it to life, where Movietone News had
brought the War to the American Heartland, and where the motion pictures of the
waning decades of the previous century allowed me a brief escape from my studies
and the miserable dorm life that accompanied my collegiate experience. If one arrived in time for the early show,
the second show would be free to those who stayed; of course, the second film
was a repeat of the first film.
Nevertheless, my dorm mates spent nearly two weeks at the old building
watching Patrick Swayze sweep an average-looking girl off her feet in the
Catskills twice a night.
This theater, which I remembered being larger
than its current photo suggests, lifted upward into the heights of the first
balcony, and onward into the darkness of the second balcony. I never recall getting a good look at the
ceiling, nor did I ever venture into the first balcony. I vaguely recall dark cloths stretched over
walls and seats to keep patrons out of the upper reaches of the now historic
landmark. The structure, like my first college experience, draped its shadowy,
gloomy pallor over what ought to have been an energizing time of my life. The coeds generally believed that bats lived
in the upper levels, despite the obvious absence of guano and my never seeing
them, but its dark mystique made the building perfect for such tales and the
ideal space to watch a scary movie.
Maybe we’d even stay beyond the bewitching hour to be scared again during
its encore performance, although looking back, my life in Terre Haute may have
been its own horror story.
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